Paige Crutcher, who is already fabulous and needs no help in that department, had an inspired suggestion— new regular segment “How not to be a hot mess.” I love it!
So, I’m pleased to present my very first segment, this one for you new collegiate types out there. But first, to answer the question on everyone’s mind—why yes, I am available for parties!
How Not to be a Hot Mess
#1: Showers are not optional. Really. I mean it. I don’t care if you’ve got no time before your 8 a.m. class. Rising at that hour is enough reason for folks to question your sanity. Don’t give them cause to question your commitment to personal hygiene as well.
#2: Baseball caps are right out. Guy or girl, the statement a baseball cap makes is, “I don’t care, why should you?” It says, “Here’s someone willing to do the very least. You want me now, don’t you?” Um, I’d answer that, but it would take too much effort.
#3: Sweats on, date off. The idea that pulling on a pair of jeans is any harder than pulling on a pair of sweats sounds like something cooked up by elastic waistband companies. Do you really want to go around looking like Sue Sylvester from Glee? Seriously, non-stretchy fabrics are the fashion industry’s way of keeping checks and balances on the freshman fifteen. Remember, when the clothes are tight, the diet ain’t right. (If the super spy thing falls through, I think I’ve got a real shot at writing those inspirational poster slogans, don’t you?)
Any rules after these sort of pale in comparison, much like a vampire denied the sun.
Tune in next time for “What your ponytail placement says about you.”